Cynical Gamer Reviews Crackdown (Xbox 360)

Sometimes, in life, for whatever reason we prostitute ourselves (I don't necessarily mean literally but metaphorically). We may or may not necessarily mean it but we do something we are not proud of for money. Of course, there are some people who literally prostitute themselves for money. It is referred to as the oldest profession, but I think that would make the pimp the oldest profession. That is why I have decided to write the review of Crackdown as though it were a high priced prostitute. Needless to say that I had read prior to starting the game that it was short. So, I decided to play it on the hardest difficulty from the start. Seriously, that is the only reference I will make to hard or hardness in the review.

I have been told that some people visit prostitutes. It does happen. They don't mind paying for five minutes of enjoyment. In this way Crackdown is like a prostitute. But not like some five dollar ho that you find standing on a street corner in St Kilda. Crackdown is a high class prostitute. Someone that you would spend a lot of money to spend a night with because she is beautiful, professional and the best at what she does. Crackdown is beautiful. It would have to be one of the best looking games around. The cell shading works extremely well and provides the game with a point of difference over the grittiness of Gears of War and the reality of Rainbow Six Vegas. The view distance is extreme. You just want to spend time with Crackdown. I guess if you paid for a high class prostitute you would want to spend some time looking at her too saying to yourself, "Well she's mine for the night." But that is really all you will get from Crackdown. A good night's worth of good looking entertainment. Cause what it gets down to is that there is not a whole lot going in the way of investing a significant amount of time in the game, like you would a good relationship, because there just isn't the content there.

Crackdown has all the moves too. It knows where to move in order to give you the right amount of satisfaction at the right time. However, there isn't a whole lot going on there for long term satisfaction. The combat system is well implemented. The mix of physical, firearms and the use of the environment to defeat your foes is well developed. However, the enemy targetting system at close range can be extremely clumsy. The other part of the game which I found extremely frustrating was that enemies would spawn behind you. Not a hundred metres behind you but a couple of metres. More often than not you find yourself respawning after being killed by some nameless henchman who has spawned outside of your line of sight. This made the game extremely frustrating at times.

In a nutshell all you have to do in this game is to take down three gangs. Each gang is located on its own specific part of the map. You can go after any gang in any order. All you have to do to take out the gang is to take out the king pin (or leader). If you kill the sub leaders (not sub king pins) in the gang then you will weaken the leader and make it easier for you to take him down. However, you can go straight for the jugular and take out the leader first if you want. That is basially all there is to the gang. There is no real variety in what to do. Each task or sub leader is basically the same. You might have to solve a puzzle on one of them (and I mean only one of them) and that is the only difference. So, don't get in to a cerebral spasm about it. Just get in there and get the job done. Much like visiting a prostitute really.

The driving in the game is pretty good, however, this was the skill which I developed the least. I couldn't be bothered trying to run people over in cars and some of the racing sub-missions were too frustrating as you mowed down innocent bistanders to get to the next checkpoint and then had the wraith of the police after you as you attempted to finish the race. It would have been good to see some other vehicles implemented in the game. However, the game concept itself is relatively simple. Like keeping your night with the prostitute to the missionary position. It is tried and tested. Just have a look at how the Grand Theft Auto franchise has made its fan base. Driving cars is its bread and butter. This would then be classified as the missionary position. The missionary position works well as a pleasure serving device, but there are definitely a lot more positions out there which can be mastered. Other vehicle types would have been good and every game of this type has cars in it.

I found it frustrating that once you had cleared out an area of its gang then there is nothing more to do there than collecting Orbs and racing cars. Ultimately, leaving the area relatively void. The jumping puzzles are excellent and, for me, the best way of travelling about the city is by jumping and running everywhere. It would have been nice of the developers had left some crime in those gang free areas to fight and keep you wanting to go back there.

I can imagine that Real Time Worlds and Microsoft would be more than happy to further my comparison of Crackdown as a prostitute by offering more content if you are prepared to pay for it. Isn't that the way a prostitute works? You pay her for a period of time in which you are entertained (or satisfied, I guess at the end of it she probably isn't). Then if you would like some more entertainment then you have to pay for some more. That is the way online delivery works. You are entertained for a short period of time and then if you want more you pay for it. Well, that is what will happen with Crackdown. They will release more short term entertainment, but you'll have to pay for it. Then I think of the reasons why people might spend money on prostitutes and all of them are relatively grandiose idealist concepts which avoid the notion that people just do it to get their end away. So, if you want a game that will give you a short amount of pleasure at a premium price then Crackdown is for you. Not the type of game that you would settle down with, but definitely a game that you might pay for to get your end away.

Cynical Gamer Rating
Would you pay to spend a night with Crackdown - 100
Is the game the equivalent of a high priced hot looking prostitute - 100
Would you pay to spend more time with the prostitute later - 0
Overall - 66

Afterword
Don't get me wrong but this game is excellent. Just way too short and with a poorly executed mission structure (well, it is not really even a mission structure). There would have to be a little more to the downloadable content than more shoot this guy and work your way up the gang type structure to get me to pay for more content. In this way this game is like a prostitute. Taking your money for a short time of pleasure. Hopefully there will be better games released this year which have greater depth to them.