New York Responds to GTA IV Likeness

The city of New York has issued a press release in response to the GTA: IV trailer. The GTA: IV trailer has created quite a stir recently. Previously no city had been offended by a Grand Theft Auto release. While Vice City was a satirical take on Miami during the "Miami Vice" years and San Andreas a take on parts of LA, San Francisco and Las Vegas. These places were not offended by the notion of being a part of a massive video game franchise. It must also be said that the other time that New York had been parodied by Take Two it was alright. But it seems that there has been some sort of bandwagon and when someone gets a bandwagon start everyone has to jump on.

The press release reads, "While I am flattered that Rockstar would like to represent me in a game the representation is just a likeness and not a true portrait of myself, New York. Previously, the other cities involved in Rockstar's games were flattered, but unable to make a direct link between their ingame representation and themselves. So nothing was said. They accepted the likeness as a link but not a direct representation. Now, things are getting a little close to home and I would like to distance myself from the fiction.

"I would like to say that I, New York, am not violent. I am, in fact, very peaceful. It is the people who inhabit me who are violent. They are the ones to commit the violent acts on my streets. They are the ones who kill people. They are the pornographers and the pimps and the prostitutes. The city is not. Unfortunately, I am only home to those things. I do not endorse their presence, in fact, there is nothing that I can do to rid them from me. It is up to the people to rid them from my streets, however, they seem powerless to do anything to prevent their own vices. So, it is, that they blame other things, such as video games and movies for making these things happen.

"All I can say is that the likeness is getting a little too close to home for me and I would appreciate you considering another location for your violent video game. How about considering Melbourne, in Australia, with its lovely bay setting and horrible drug problems? Or, Tokyo and the Yakuza? Or, Baghdad, with its sectarian violence and its own struggle to claim its own identity. Surely, these other cities are not as important as I am, I mean, New York is the greatest city in the world, why don't you go piss on someone else's doorstep rather than tarnish my impeccable image. Nothing bad has ever happened here. New York is the image of what's right in America. Surely, you can see that and treat me with respect."

Unfortunately, that is all the press release had to say. When seen leaving a nightclub last night with several men as her escort New York quickly said, "What a lady can't have some party time? Next thing you know you'll accuse me of taking drugs too." However, New York was unable to comment today as she was busy checking in to a celebrity drug rehab clinic.